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Humor: Fun with Telemarketers

The phone just rang. I picked it up and waited for the panel to light up. "Incoming Call" - no duh. Who is it? Finally, "Private Name, Private Number" appears. Well, we know some people who use the "Private" thing, so I take my chances and push the "Talk" button.

"Hello! This is Lindsey from Greater Expecations!" (totally too chipper and excited to be a real telemarketer) "We're calling singles in your area blah blah blah blah. Are you single?"

Stupid me. Instead of being funny or witty, I just told her "No, I've been married for ten years" which isn't exactly true, I just rounded up a little bit because that was easier than trying to remember exactly how long we've been married.

After Lindsey cheerily wished me a good day, all the great things I should have said to her came to mind:

*melodramtic sobbing* My husband just died yesterday!


No, but we've been thinking about a threesome lately. Do you have any nubile young women?


*with a bad southern accent* Naw, but m'daughter's single an' I'd like ta get her fat ass outta tha house.

or my favorite:

*whispered* No, but can you call me back later, my husband's home right now.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 28th, 2002 12:14 pm (UTC)
*whispered* No, but can you call me back later, my wife's home right now.

(I've dealt with that one before...)
Dec. 28th, 2002 03:08 pm (UTC)
Evil & Hell Bound
God knows why but some jewelry store called the house right after I started a fight with Bill. I cut the womans head off swiftly with 'No need to remind him about anniversaries, as they aren't going to happen with me anymore' ... click
Dec. 28th, 2002 03:09 pm (UTC)
Dec. 28th, 2002 09:37 pm (UTC)
Messing with telemarketers can *sometimes* be quite fun. But most of the time I just cut them off or hang up on them if they still insist reading their info off to me even after I say I'm not interested.
Dec. 28th, 2002 09:46 pm (UTC)
Just as an afterthought, although I would definitely consider the "No but can you call back later?" routine, the others sound wickedly funny to talk about but I could never actually go through with doing them. As much as I HATE getting telemarketing phone calls, I always try to treat telemarketers with dignity - or at least give them a chance. Most phone calls end up going like this though:

"I'm really not interested, thank you."

"Oh but blah blah blah." Strike one.

"No thank you."

"I understand but blah blah blah." Strike two.

"I really don't want to hang up on you." And I really don't.

At this point, they usually hang up on me. Only once have I had a telemarketer get to this point and end the call pleasantly. Less than a dozen times have they opted to end the call pleasantly before strike two. I'd hate to be a telemarketer, and I hate rejection myself, so I always try to end the call on a pleasant note, but most of them don't give me the chance.

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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